Wallowing

(album: Swings - 2014)

Sometimes I feel crazy
Like I lost half of my mind
Moving outta decline
Without a ladder to climb
And half of the time
I feel like I'm actually fine
Battling my personality's a habit of mine
I have it in line
Until I start to think
I zoned off so long I forgot to blink
Till my hands go numb and I drop my drink
And the bath keeps filling while I start to sink
My heart just shrinks
While I drown in the tub
Phone ringing but I can't hear the sound of the buzz
Feeling like paradise after downing them drugs
I don't think it'll kill me but I'm down if it does
An' as I drown in the silence
The phone ringing by the sink starts sounding like a siren
Heard mama's voice saying this is real life shit
Boy I didn't raise you to be nothing like this
You better start fighting
And if you can't swing em' hands little man
Then you better start biting
You better start breathing
You got a little brother
He needs someone to look upto and to believe in
You too young to be leaving
And you and the man up above ain't even
Pain and regret
I'm laying right between 'em
I've had ten drinks and I still haven't eaten
Head keeps pounding
Heart still beating
Water starts bubbling cause I start screaming
Climbed out the tub and I started dry heaving
Thinking that it's time that I slaughtered my demons
I, let it sink in until the moons gone
I'm done feeling hollow
I been wallowing too long
How can I sit and not bother to move on
When I got a dream and a father to prove wrong
I mean I gotta keep fighting this
I made it this far after all types o' shit
Still haven't grown
Haven't had a wife and kids
I mean I'm, nineteen with a life to live
And sometimes it gets a lot harder than this
Think it's no good for you but a part of it is
Don't agree please pardon me then
And Lord keep watching incase I fall off again