Red Flags

(album: Big Dumb Idiot - 2022)

The date started off so well
Begin my night not expecting the fright of my life
She was perfect from what I could tell
How could I not see the danger right in front of me

My favorite food is fish (baby, that's my favorite too)
I love cartoon dogs (baby, I love Scooby Doo)
Hey girl, what's your favorite film?
She said the best movie of all, a masterpiece of art called

Human Centipede, Human Centipede
I think that I'm gonna get murdered tonight
Human Centipede, not ironically
She said, costume design was a highlight

I like it for the plot (tell me what the plot's about)
German doctor sews three people ass to mouth (cool)
Human Centipede, please God save me
I think that's a red flag, I don't want to get stabbed

She said, "Human Centipede is a tour de force"
I think, "Holy shit, I'm gonna be the main course"
She said, "I admire the narrative of character growth"
I try to get the waiter's attention by blinking in morse code

Why are you blinking so much? (I've got something in my eye)
Here, let me get it out (no thank you, I don't wanna die)
Bonjour, sir was blinking at me, is this because your date is a freak? (No)
Very good then, bon appétit

Stop hiding behind your silly made up red flag
To not take a chance on the best relationship you never had
Maybe you're right and I'm looking for excuses
My heart's got bruises but I'm ready to choose this love

You could be my world, the love of my life
One day we'll get married and be husband and wife
With a tasteful ceremony at the wedding of our dreams
Only if the wedding is themed, tell me what the theme's gonna be

Human Centipede, Human Centipede
That way we could save on the catering bill
Human Centipede, only one mouth to feed
If you are the best man, you know the deal, pucker up

I can finally open myself up to love
I can finally sew a mouth to a butt
Human Centipede, Human Centipede