Real Friends Before Covid

(album: Viral/Viral, Vol. 1 - 2020)

Blame it all on bat poop
Now there's nothing to do
But day drink until it all ends
My crew can't come near
I'm social distancing here
Am I losing my mind well, that depends

Made new friends with my broom
And my Dyson vac too
Turns out Swiffer can pour a mean drink
Ms. Shovel ain't bad, but hogs the covers in bed
I love 'em but, man, it's a shame

Cause I had real friends before Covid
Didn't have to pretend
That this ball I'm holdin's real name is Shane
"What's up Shane?"
It just ain't the same

Yeah, I remember when we could be together
We could high five hands without Purell lather
Oh, I had real friends before Covid

Well, I had my first date
And Alexa was great!
In the end she said, it wouldn't last
Then I started to wink
At my Peloton screen
But she kept on riding my a-a-a-a...

I tried to hang out with shoe
But he was kind of a douche
And lamp was always on the phone
My old Crossfit shirt was good listener, for sure
But I'm sick of being alone!

Cause I had real friends before Covid
Didn't have to pretend that this plant I'm growing
Can play charades
He sucks every game

Yeah, I remember when we could be together
We could high five hands without Purell lather
Yeah, I had real friends before Covid

Oh, I had real friends before Covid
I can hang out with them [?]

I'm missing them while I stay at home
And I'm so sick of planning out my Zoom calling
Oh, I had real friends before Covid
Cause I had real friends before Covid