Ruined Me

(album: Please Stop Breaking My Heart - 2023)

I made promises I couldn't keep
When I really should've been asleep
And you will always hold those against me

You knew I couldn't handle this
But you didn't wanna let me quit
As if you were entitled to me

I'd sit and listen to you ramble on
For hours I would play along
Trying to be the best for you

Always bite my tongue and hold my breath
I'd build you up at my expense
Thought that's what I was supposed to do

Now I drive by you in the parking lot
Saw you and my heart stopped
And you wanna wave and say hi
Like everything's fine but it's not
Foot is shaking on the pedals
I thought if I didn't think about it somehow it would get better
But it's not better

Well it's just my luck
It's been months and I'm still stuck
Do you know how bad you messed me up
And I've been trying to find it in my heart
To forget about it and restart
But it's deeper than an apology you'll never say to me
You ruined me

Convince me that I need your help
Losing my faith losing myself
You tell me that I don't know what I'm doing
Taking me down so low just to prove yourself

Doing things I didn't want to
Cause I never wanna disappoint you
Second guessing everything that I think everything that I do

Change your mind all the time say something's fine
Then suddenly it's not alright keep it all inside
You say you'd do anything to avoid a fight

I hope you know I gave you everything
Told you things yeah I let you in
I guess I did it all just for you go and make a mess of me

Well it's just my luck
It's been months and I'm still stuck
Do you know how bad you messed me up
And I've been trying to find it in my heart
To forget about it and restart
But it's deeper than an apology you'll never say to me
You ruined me

See your face hear your name you text me again
It's driving me crazy I need this to end
Don't know what is real and what's just in my head
Try to move on but I just can't forget

All the manipulation all the game playing
All the blame all the shame miscommunications
The plans all the schemes the what does he really means
Am I crazy am I stupid is it true what he thinks

Is it true what he thinks of me

Is it true what he says about me
Am I so terrible am I crazy

Well it's just my luck
It's been months and I'm still stuck
Can we forget that we were ever in love
Cause I can't look at another guy
Without feeling terrified
I've started going back to therapy
Cause you ruined me

You ruined me

I'll never go back to being me
Cause you ruined me