If Trump Was In Hamilton

How does a blowhard, bastard, son of a bigoted benefactor
Host of the business equivalent of The Bachelor
Pastor the party of family values and sin
With flow so foul you'd think it's shooting out the wrong end

By song's end he'll hone his own brand
A real-estate mogul just like his old man
His pop had stole land from folks with no plans
Made out fresh in the depression with Queens in both hands

The floor plans to his mansion had 23 rooms
Hired a chef to fill his five children's silver spoons with fancy foods
And ruined 'em, his son was a fool, he put the brute into
An army institute in lieu of high school

Picture this: eyes full of fire, the heir to the empire
Staring straight down the barrel, his future in peril, he barely made honor roll
Dodged the draft, thanking his dividends
Cause anything is possible with pockets full of Benjamins

He grew in ambition, took a position as president
Of his father's complexes for quote "Jews and Executives"
But having never abetted a black resident
He fled when the FEDs sued Freddy for prejudice

He was desperate to shed his dad's shadow and move on
Standing upon the precipice of a brand new Don
A Prodigal son rising to answer his true calling
On the East Side horizon one name would glow upon 'em, call him:

Donald J. Trump
My name is Donald J. Trump, okay?
And if you think that I'm just having fun
Well just you wait, just you wait

In a city so corrupt, Trump became a legend
Leveraging vast tax cuts through his dad's connections
His mob lawyer would step in, with a sordid aggression
Dunk his rivals in court fees then call up collections

Grew addicted to the reflection the tabloids fed him
Used a pseudonym to let the papers into his bedroom
With his three wives, five kids, nine lives, and one mistress
He watched his hyperbolic empire grow overextended

He built a third casino and spent a billion on it
And when the bankers came a'knocking he tried to solve it with histrionics
Quadruple bankruptcies, straight Napoleonic
Of his twenty two assets only three gleaned a profit

There woulda been no one left to blame for someone less insane
He woulda ejected from the game if he had a single ounce a shame
Started diving in, siphoning several million off the back-end
Fighting off the bankers to keep his debt from collapsing

He cashed in the last thing he had to his name
Staked his claim with The Apprentice, saved again by his last name
Made his way into politics, claimed Obama was alien
Told a lie so salient a third of us are still saying it

Donald J Trumpilton
We are waiting in our homes for you
How the hell did it come to this?
Is America just that pissed?
The world is really run by dicks

His Bentley's in the parking lot, see if you can meet him
Making a trademark a week after Romney's defeated
"Make America Great Again", say it just like you mean it

[HILLARY/PELOSI:]
We fought with him

[MCCONNEL/BANNON/PENCE/HANNITY:]
Me? I worked for him

[AMERICA:]
Eh, I died for him

[IVANA, MARLA, MILANIA, PUTIN:]
I fucked him

[CORONAVIRUS:]
And me? I'm the damn flu that got him

[COMPANY:]
And if you think that he's just having fun, just you wait

[BIDEN:]
What's your name again?

[TRUMP:]
Donald J Trump