Bad Friend

(album: Buried Alive - 2021)

2:30 in the morning and I get a text from my friend
She said, "I need you right now", and I already knew what that meant
See, me and this girl, we think alike, too many phone calls spent
For me to know she's thinking 'bout her life and how it's gon' end
See, on the outside, we're happy, and we show it to the world
And we put on this fake exterior so the truth won't unfurl
But I know who she is, 'cause it's like looking in a mirror
All these smiles are cries for help and it couldn't be any clearer
So I pick up the phone and call her as she answers through her cries
She's hyperventilating, telling me that she wants to die
My heart starts to race and my thoughts begin to blur
We're nine hours apart, but I'm seconds from losing her
I tried to calm her down and tell her what she means to me
Even though we're new friends, she's seen a side that no one sees
Told her, "Listen to my breaths, I'm right here, please breathe
You've got so much left to do, stay here, don't leave"
The cries got even louder as the breaths got short
I told her, "Listen to my words", as I fell down to the floor
"Stay with me, I'm here, let it out, it's okay"
Just cry till you can't cry no more tears down your face
A couple minutes went by and the crying finally stopped
But not because she did, because the phone call dropped
I called her back quick, just hoping I'd hear "hello"
But I just kept getting met with the sounds of those dial tones
I froze... what do you do in that moment?
Do you call the police or do you hope that she's over it?
Get a hold of her parents and tell 'em the situation?
Just so they can pull her from college and end her aspirations?
Leave it alone and hope it was just an escapade?
Pray for a text from her in the morning saying that she's okay?
Call anyone you know just to make sure that she's alive?
Ignore it completely and pray to God that she survived?
I let it go... she must've wanted to be alone
I guess that this was just another one of her episodes
She never told no one about this depression she dealt with
And who was I to air out her secrets? That would be selfish
So I laid down in my bed and I rested my head
Closed my eyes and drifted peacefully to sleep, then I dreamt
That I would see her tomorrow and I would speak to her then
Till I was woken to several several missed calls and texts that she's dead
My heart broke... she downed a bottle of pills
She took 'em shortly after our call ended, and it felt surreal
She was a friend of many, a student athlete at our school
A daughter, a sister, a very special jewel
At the funeral, they told us that nobody had a clue
That they could've saved her life if only that they knew
And if someone at the funeral had ever felt depressed
To get some help so that your face won't ever end up in the press
There wasn't a dry face in the room... only twenty-two years old
An entire life in front of her, and now she's laying there cold
If only I'd called someone, we wouldn't be here now
And nobody would be sad, I wouldn't feel like I let her down
But that's not what happened, 'cause instead of going to bed
I called every person I knew to check to make sure you weren't dead
I stayed up seven hours, praying every second of it
Just hoping to get a text saying that you weren't heaven-sent
But then I got it... you told me that I had no right
And blocked me on everything, and we ain't talk since that night
Was I a bad friend? Options, I had none
I guess I'd rather be a bad friend than a sad one