I Was Alive Back Then

(album: Instigator - 2016)

All my lives are coming through
And, even though there isn't room
I save seats for my selves
Invite them in, wish them well
The way I feel & the way I guess I felt

I was 23 & crazy
Frightened, overwhelmed, and angry
You said, "That's not how I see you
You treat yourself unfairly
Don't treat yourself unfairly."

I was alive back then
I remember when

It was Christmas
We were wrestlers
Bay Ridge Parkway
Our apartment
We were fast & best friends
We were just little kids
You were Lenny Dykstra
I was Wally Backman

This was before I got so lonely
With my lovers, with my family
Scared of living
Scared of dying
Scared of being happy
I couldn't let myself be happy

I was alive back then
I was alive back then
I was alive back then
I remember when

I was 20
Kolankowski
Asked me who I thought I'd marry
I answered your name
Years before we would date
Years before he'd officiate our wedding

You never "know"
You're never "ready"
But all your fear is just confetti
Let it blow all 'round your bedroom
When it gets too heavy
Don't let it get too heavy

I was alive back then
I was alive back then
I was alive back then

No one asks you if you're ready
When they're handing you the baby
My mother said, "Son, you can't imagine
You'll have your mind blown, honey
You'll be crazy in love, honey."

I was alive back then
I was alive back then
I was alive back then
I remember when
I was alive back then
Now, I am again