Dear Dad

(album: Rap & Roll - 2022)

3 years old when you left and went to go to jail
Only time I seen you dad was a through a call or through a cell
You got out when I was 12 so really only time
Could tell
But you went back up on them drugs I was a kid going through hell
I remember
My mama dropped us off up at yo house
And I was scared, didn't say a fucking word up on the couch
Up in my head, so happy cause all my friends had a dad
And when she picked me up I went outside and was crying so bad
But she ain't see it
From a younging I suppressed all my emotions
Cause they couldn't see me weak or see me open
And all the shit I was hoping
Cause my mama always said that I was chosen
I was glued up on yo hip when I was little but I don't remember that shit
I remember you not showing up
I was a little girl I needed you when I was growing up
But I then got older you hit me up when I was blowing up
Had asked me for some money cussed you out and started closing up
Cause all my fucking life dad
I just really wanted you there
No really dad I just wanted you there
And yea I know that you cared
It's just the drugs and I know it ain't fair
Know that you love me and I know that you swear
That you wish shit was different
But it's too late
Because I just got the call and they said
You in critical condition as you lay up in that bed
And I can't even comprehend like all the thoughts up in my head
Because I swore the died that not a tear that I would shed for you

But dad I promise that I care for you
But dad I promise that I cared for you
I really wish that I was there for you
But I was scared

You hit me up a week ago and you had said that you love me
And you so sorry that you put the drugs and shit all above me
Said I forgive you and you said you're always gonna think of me
But I just wish I felt this love before the fame and the money

I got the news that you not doing good as soon as I woke
And I was laughing with my family nonchalant making jokes
And acting like I'm not hurt
When there's pain in my chest
The thought of losing you dad and the fucking shame of regret

Is gonna eat me alive
So all the fucking days that I live
I want you to know that I forgive
And I know you would've been dad cause
If it wasn't for the drugs
My mama always told me I was loved

As you transition
I just hope you feel peace
I know you're tired
So I hope you feel peace
Dad
Wish I could go back 30 years and take the needle
To ones who let you try it I'd beat they ass on all them people
Drugs are evil
I'm sorry dad for not picking when you called
I'm sorry dad for putting up a wall
But dad just know that I was scared
And I want you to know that I always cared
Rest peacefully I love you