Unemployed Boyfriend

(album: Songs From An American Movie, Vol. 1: Learning How To Smile - 2000)

[Answering machine:] ''Hi, this is Peggy. Leave me a nice message or I'll kill ya."

''Hey Peggy, it's me.
You are never going to believe what happened to me today.
I'm sitting at the unemployment office, waiting on my loser of a caseworker,
in one of those nasty chairs,
when from out of nowhere, this total stranger walks right up to me,
sits down, then leans over and says something like,
This is gonna sound a little obsessive.''

This is gonna sound a little obsessive
This is gonna sound a little bit strange
I have one thing to say
Before I turn and I walk away

This is gonna sound a little impulsive
This is gonna sound a little insane
I know you don't know me yet
But you and I, we will be together someday
Someday
I know, I know, I sound like I'm on drugs
Listen to me when I say

That ever since when I first saw you
Sitting on your car outside
You asked for a cigarette
I couldn't stop staring at your eyes

Ever since when I first saw you
Looking bored in that plastic chair
With the lights of the office around you
Those blond streaks, they look so pretty in your black hair
You look cool and alternative with that disaffected stare
Yeah you want people to think that you just don't care

Hey you can be with me
Yeah 'cause I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you're perfect
Who will always make you come
Hey you can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

Can you believe he said that to me?
To me, of all people! I can't even remember the last time a guy took me out
on a date and actually paid for it!?

This is gonna sound a little bit out there
This is gonna sound a little insane
I keep having the same dream
You will be the mother of my children someday
Someday

I heard you sleep with that obnoxious guy
I know he is in that famous band
You look so sad when you are with him
Yes I never see him reach to hold your hand

Yeah you can be with me
Yes I will treat you like a queen
I will go to all those chick flick movies
That I really don't want to see
Yeah you can be with me
No I will never let you down
I will never make out with your girlfriend
When I know you're not around
Yes you can be with me
Yeah I just might be the one
Who will treat you like you're special
I will always make you come
You can be with me
Yes I will always let you win
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be like those other guys
I will never be your unemployed boyfriend

Can you believe this? I mean, can this be for real?"

No!

"Then he takes my hand, writes down his number, and just walks away."

Whoa!