Is It Wetherspoons

(album: Mike Balls Boutique - 2023)

Is it Wetherspoons is it Witherspoons

Is it Wetherspoons is it Witherspoons
When I go there time just zooms
Start drinking at 9am
Sober up have lunch and get drunk again

You wanna go where everyone knows your name
To a a friendly pub that's part of a chain
You need a drink you need a meal
In comfortable surroundings with a classic pub feel
The menu is so extensive and the wine list is comprehensive
You can have red wine white or pink
They'll even put ice in your drink
Competitive prices that can't be beat
And you never know who you're gonna meet
Different conversations that can be enjoyed
With doctors dentists and the unemployed
Like an old folks home if it had a bar
Full of people who probably read The Star
In every major city in every major town
If you can't find a Wetherspoons you're a fucking clown

Is it Wetherspoons is it Witherspoons
When I go there time just zooms
Start drinking at 9am
Sober up have lunch and get drunk again

The atmosphere like a pub airport
But you aren't going to a holiday resort
Couldn't find the toilets when I needed a crap
Had to ask behind the bar and they drew me a map
No jukebox the vibe is kind of subdued
But they've got polite staff and acceptable food
You can try and complain about the cheap booze
And they guy who owns it all with his questionable views
It's like Starbucks but with larger instead
And they don't seem to mind if you're off your head
Old folks students and scum bags
Proper stories of riches to rags
There's Ian he's on day release
And his cousin Paul who's well know to the police
Staring out the people in suits
Then they go round the back and kick them in outside boots

They've even got there own fucking newspaper
You can have a pint at 9 o'clock in the morning

Is it Wetherspoons is it Witherspoons
When I go there time just zooms
Start drinking at 9am
Sober up have lunch and get drunk again

You don't have to wear smart shirt and shoes
And you don't go there because of the reviews
You can work from home because the Wi-Fi's free
A bit like the plates and the cutlery
Refillable coffee and somewhere to sit
And you didn't even have to vote for Brexit
Chicken Tikka Masala rice and a nan
Up the John Fielding when I goes up Cwmbran
So follow the rules when you're drinking booze
You can breast feed but don't take off your shoes
If you got a dog I think you'll find
You can only bring one with you if you're blind
And don't be scared you're not gonna eat jizz
'Cause you dinner was cooked by a teenager on wiz
He went on a course learnt about hygienes
He knows human jizz don't go in baked beans

Is it Wetherspoons is it Witherspoons
When I go there time just zooms
Start drinking at 9am
Sober up have lunch and get drunk again

Is it Wetherspoons is it Witherspoons
When I go there time just zooms
Start drinking at 9am
Sober up have lunch and get drunk again