Who's It Gonna Be?

[*screams*] We're all DOOMED! [*sobs*] People are breathing out this living poison! It's trying to float into my orifices! I lost my car keys! I had to steal my neighbor's Segway to get here today, and on the way I crashed in this dumpster, and these kids were making a video and now I'm on TikTok! I can't... Excuse me. Yeah? Be not hysterical? Despite, you know, things? Oh. I can do that. Dignified!
Gentlemen, welcome to the first Presidential Debate. Our first question, in the key of G sharp minor is:

Skoo-doot-in-do-dit
Do-be-did-in-bibbida-bobbida-boo, baba-do-dit
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-doo-datten-do-de-do-din-bow-boo-sho-pa-ja-kow-bop-in-do-dee
I'm so sorry

2020's a raging hellscape
Any ideas on how to stop a worldwide plague?
We should be providing people the help they need
He knew back in February; it was a deadly disease
What did he do?
He's on tape acknowledging he knew (Really?)
He waited and waited and waited
And he didn't even tell you
President Trump did a phenomenal job
People said that (Well)
We got the gown
We made the ventilators, we got the masks
I don't wear masks like him
Every time you see him he's got a mask
The biggest mask I've ever seen
The biggest mask I've ever seen

Will we ever get back all the jobs we lost?
Or should we set up eleven million Etsy shops?
My economic plan would create one trillion dollars in economic growth
He has no intention of making it better for you all at home
I brought back football!
It was me, me! (What?)
Big 10 Football, and I'm very happy

Who's it gonna be?
They wanna take out the cows, the cows
In the West Wing?
Now here's the deal
He has no idea what he's talking about
We're living in the Apocalypse
I'm begging you to put a stop to this
Pretty please?
He said he could inject some bleach
They cheat!

If the Supreme Court is truly supreme
Where's the guac, ground beef, and sour cream?
The American people have a right to say
Who's the Supreme Court nominee
Her biggest endorsers are from Notre Dame
We have a phenomenal nominee
I ran out of questions
But still got a while
It's time to drop some bars
Let's see how you freestyle!
In Europe they live there, forest cities
They're called forest cities
It's a forest city
You know, he talks about the art of the deal
China's perfected the art of the steal

Bad things happen in Philadelphia
Bad things
He's just afraid
Proud Boys: Stand back and stand by
He said there are very fine people on both sides
He said maybe you should drop a nuclear weapon on hurricanes
The cars have computers all over the place

Who's it gonna be?
They wanna take out the cows
The cows
In the West Wing?
Now here's the deal
He has no idea what he's talking about
We're living in the Apocalypse
I'm begging you to put a stop to this
Pretty please?
Keep yapping, man
The people understand
He doesn't have a plan

Exploding trees
COVID 19
Hurricanes with names past the letter Z
Conspiracy theories about vaccines
Murder Hornets coming from across the sea
Too many memes about World War III
Can't tell what's Hell or reality
Earthquakes ruining my whole week
'Cause I dropped my keys in the crack between the cup holder and my car seat!

Who's it gonna be?
They wanna take out the cows
The cows
In the West Wing?
Now here's the deal
He has no idea what he's talking about
We're living in the Apocalypse
I'm begging you to put a stop to this
Pretty please?
He said they could inject some bleach
They cheat!
Who is it gonna be?

That was really a productive segment, wasn't it?
Keep yapping, man
If you'll excuse me, the Murder Hornets come out at midnight so I've gotta go home and seal the door to my Purge room
And I'll take this, uh, light breeze with me
Smell ya later, dude!
Ciao Baby!