P.A.N.I.C.

(album: Loose Threads - 2020)

I start to sense the panic
Coursing through my veins
A sickness so bleak and tragic, I feel its symptoms now
Just like a noose around my neck

And I've spent my whole life
Trying to prove to myself that I was good enough
When in fact if I'd just opened my eyes
I'd have been sure to find what it takes to get better

I've lived my life under the shadow of doubt
I've lived my life beneath these darkened clouds
I've lived my whole life just trying to find a way to get by
Instead of fighting to make myself happy

I'm cursed by this life I've lead
Could you fix me? Because inside I think I'm dead
Anxiety creeps up my spine
And I lose all breath as it smothers me
The world around me starts to fade to black
And I feel nothing again, I'm cold just like ice

Forgive me for thinking
That I would be just fine
'Cause I don't think my heart can take much more
Watching someone else I love walk right out the door
And I feel that time's wasting away
Stuck with one foot in my grave
And I am so afraid, I am so afraid

I've lived my life under the shadow of doubt
I've lived my life beneath these darkened clouds
I've lived my whole life just trying to find a way to get by
Instead of fighting to make myself happy

And one day I'll tell my sons
To follow their dreams no matter the chaos it brings
Life is too damn short to wallow
In our self-inflicted misery
And someday I'll prove to my sons
That I'm truly sorry for everything
Because I tried my best to love them
While also doing what's best for
What's best for me
I want to live my life
Without regret

Sometimes I look in the mirror
Disgusted by my own reflection
That old familiar feeling
Creeps back up from the depths to steal my breath again