I'm Almost Happy Here

(album: Equivalency - 2017)

I think I'm almost happy here
But I will never regret venturing despite fear
Because everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive
So if this is reality, then I guess I don't regret the nights I thought that I had died
Cause sometimes I feel like nothing, and nothing ever changes when changes consume me through these changing stages
Everything we could have done differently is now just a memory
And the love I hoped for is hanging on a rope and it's funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken
Through this constant collapse, the thought of relapse

I guess it's safe to throw our bones back in the sea
I guess it's safe to throw our bones back in the sea

With this saltwater for blood and fear of falling in love
I'm almost happy here but I'm still moving
I just want us to run wild, young beauty
Because I always thought I would be okay, and some days I still feel the same, but everyday the same way I feel afraid to embrace grace
Cause I know I don't deserve it
And I know that I can't earn this, and I know that I can hurt this heart that I have grown within
But it's a a given to even someone as sick as me
Now I can breathe seeing that I'm not living in apathy

So I guess we'll throw our bones back into the sea
I guess it's safe to throw our bones back into the sea

Come with me
And I hope I stay alive because ghosts can't love through this broke love and turn to above
In a quick dash, feel the impact on this car crash, and pray to God I can be forgiven and have my friends back
Where we sleep is where we dream, and I haven't slept for days
REM cycles are a memory of when I was sitting in a dorm room, thinking of how much greener the grass would be if I became a touring act someday
But now I'm dreaming or sinking, most nights they feel the same since I can lose one friend, lose all friends and still not keep those demons at bay
And I said all my friends are trees, with the roots in the earth, what hurts is that the branches in a community, we've labeled our hearts into a collective scene, into a collective faithless dream of empty courage and empty hearts
Hollow light, hollow lovers, always falling apart
So I'll love life and let go and try my best to understand there's nothing new to know
Though I didn't say it's true, I still feel the same, like I died with you
And I feel the strain, taking two steps back on these wooden floorboards, I'll beg for more, and pray this isn't just a retrospective moment
Not just a soul begging for catharsis, but rather the start of a new me and a real movement

God forgive me