Ninja

(album: Coming Home - 2022)

Ninjas (I'm a ninja)
Masters of the sacred martial art of ninjutsu (I know ninjutsu, bitch)
They are unquestioned and unchallenged in their indomitable fighting skills (I got indomitable fighting skills)
They live among us in disguise (I'm in disguise, bitch)
They hide in the shadows (I'm a ninja)
They can attack from anywhere at any time (I'm a motherfucking ninja)
Nothing can stop a ninja, hahahahaha

Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, it'd feel good to see people up on it
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Goddamn, it'd feel good to see people up on it

Yo, goddamn I wish I could be shogun samurai
Take my katana into Ralphs, make bananas fly
I'd never have to wait in line, no, not at all
Whoever cuts me off, I straight karate chop they balls
Everywhere I'd ever go, I'd be socking jaws
Roundhousing bitches over banisters in shopping malls
As soon as I arrive places they just stop and pause
'Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja
What I would do if I only had a ninja sword
Instead of knocking I'd just stab it straight into doors (What the hell?)
Soon as you open up I'd double front kick your beard
And then I'd throw a fucking ninja ball and disappear (Where'd he go?)
They'd call the cops, and they'd probably put out an APB
But I'm a ninja, no cops about to make me flee
Bigfoot hunters would be stalking me, trying to take my picture
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja

Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, it'd feel good to see people up on it ('Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja)
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
God damn, it'd feel good to see people up on it ('Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja)

Look, every motherfucking ninja has a good plan
I would move to New York and join the Foot Clan
Fuck the Ninja Turtles, they can catch these ninja stars
I'd push 'em up through manholes directly into cars (Boom)
Fresh turtle soup stirred with my ninja blade
Then I'd smash April O'Neil and give her ninja AIDS (Ew)
If Casey Jones tried to trip, he'd catch this ninja fade
'Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja
Yo, ayy look, if I were a ninja, I'd follow all the ninja codes
And just kick it in my ninja lair with my ninja bros
Puffing hella ninja blunts, sipping ninja 40s
Sitting 'round a fire taking turns telling ninja stories
And fuck a white, red, blue, black or brown belt
I can spin in circles fast enough to make the ground melt
Then stick my leg out and break your ankles as I sweep kick ya
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja

Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, it'd feel good to see people up on it ('Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja)
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a nigga
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
God damn, it'd feel good to see people up on it ('Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja)

Look, now if I really were a ninja, I wouldn't take shit
I'd ninja tackle elderly people and break hips (My leg!)
And take trips back to Japan and film movies
Where you hear me stop talking, but my lips are still moving
Spinning nunchucks over my head so fast I take off
Then ninja helicopter by the office of my day job
Then dangle there swaying back and forth like my nuts be
And hypnotize 'em all with my mystical ninja butt cheeks (Ew)
'Cause I'm a ninja now and ninjas just don't give a fuck
Go ahead and swing on me, bitch, you'll miss, I'll just ninja duck
I'm just a blurred shadow in my black ninja PJs
Playing Frogger off at the top of cars crossing freeways
I'd remake The Karate Kid, beat up bullies for beach babes
Then hold the trophy up as the credits roll and the beat plays
Then Chuck Norris would make a cameo
Give me thumbs up and a fist bump, damn, I wish I could be a ninja
"Sixteen bars is not the ninja way
If you are truly a ninja, keep going"
Yo, if I were a ninja, there'd be so many benefits
I'd finally figure out how my girl be taking ninja shits
I'd finally learn the answers to the universe's mysteries
Then fight Scorpion in the orchid of ancient citrus trees
I swear to God, I'd be the illest ninja in history
I'd snap bitches necks over the slightest little tiff with me
Then go to American Ninja Warrior's obstacle course
Beat it and win stuff, then maybe I'd finally be a ninja

Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja (I'd finally be a ninja)
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, it'd feel good to see people up on it ('Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja)
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja (Oh yeah)
Damn, I wish I could be a ninja
God damn, it'd feel good to see people up on it ('Cause I'm a motherfucking ninja)

Hahahahaha, you weak, pathetic fool
Pathetic? What the fuck you talking 'bout?
If you were really a ninja, you woulda kept going
Bitch, I did keep going
Yeah, but even more, though
What you mean "even more"? I added eight more bars
Ha ha ha
Then transitioned to the last chorus perfectly
Pathetic, ha ha ha
You want this song to be, like, fucking eight minutes long? People would lose interest
They already lost interest 'cause those lyrics were dingleberry dust
Nigga, fuck you, deep voice bitch
Ha ha ha
At first I thought you were this magnanimous Shao-Kahn-ass nigga
Oh, please
But now I'm 'bout to fuck you up
Take your best shot, you little sperm thermos
[*fighting*]
Nigga, fuck, take this shit, fuck, shit, fuck, don't call me a sperm thermos. I'll fuck you up. Take this shit, bitch. Yeah. Yeah, take that. Take that, punk ass deep-voiced bitch!
Yeah, yeah, "I'm a ninja. I'm a ninja." Fuck that! I'm a wicked clown, bitch! Ha ha ha ha ha