Scars

(album: You're Not Alone - 2020)

No, I'm not perfect, never said I was
I keep it on the surface, never give enough
Got BPD and OCD
So when you see me, you don't really see me
Always do the same thing just to maintain
If I don't, I'ma break things, say insane things
I don't really wanna talk about it, I want help
Swear it's so hard for me to love myself
I can't enjoy the good days 'cause I know the dark comes next
I'm a child of divorce, that explains my stress
I was ten years old, future pulled out from under me
Never had much stability to cover me
Cold nights in my father's trailer
Funny how I miss those times
Funny how it never really crossed my mind
Up until those days get far behind
I've been searching for a purpose, to make life worth it
Trying to unearth it, hate that death's certain
Thinking all the things that I took for granted
All this success, could've never planned it
Yeah, I've been thinking 'bout my life in the past tense
If I never dealt with that, would I rap then?
All the traumas that I went through made me me and everything I be

Making all these scars
It hurts me right before I run away too far
I'll never let a soul in
One day I'll find the peace of mind
The peace of mind (Oh)

And it's been so hard to handle the pressure
Worse before it'll get better
Scared that I'm drowning
But I keep going, I have to ease it up
Bury my head in the sand, but I'll be a better man
I just close my eyes and pray that I'll be fine

And I just stay awake
Longing for the day I change
I wanna change sometimes
And I just stay awake hoping all my stitches fade
(But all these scars will never fade away)

Used to be young, I miss those days when I could be dumb
But I had to grow up fast 'cause life came at me
And I miss life when I was no one
Used to be broke, used to be alone in my room playing shows
Gripping the mic and I would kill it when I was low
Everything change when I came up
Now I'm just someone I barely know
And I'm cutting people off too easily and it scares me
Mom did the same and it hurt me, but don't compare me
Set to explode, I approach pain rarely
Have you ever felt sane? (Barely)
Dark days, always in a dark place
Doing things the hard way, I don't wanna start things
So I'm just keeping to myself, want a way out
But I might need help

Making all these scars
It hurts me right before I run away too far
I'll never let a soul in
One day I'll find the peace of mind
The peace of mind (Oh)

And it's been so hard to handle the pressure
Worse before it'll get better
Scared that I'm drowning
But I keep going, I have to ease it up
Bury my head in the sand, but I'll be a better man
I just close my eyes and pray that I'll be fine

And I just stay awake
Longing for the day I change
I wanna change sometimes
And I just stay awake hoping all my stitches fade
(But all these scars will never fade away)