SCG Minus 1: The Ruiz Ranch Massacre

(album: Lordiversity - Spooky Sextravaganza Spectacular - 2021)

"Rolling. Speed. Okay, you're in the frame
Go ahead and slate it."

"Okay, August 25th, 1995. Kermit, Texas, interview with Mr. Rufus Ruiz to talk..."

"Ain't no need to be so god damn formal. Everybody just calls me Rufus the Redneck, but you can call me Rufus."

"Redneck?"

"Damn straight, and proud of it. Born and bread, never get the south out of me, god damn it."

"Rufus, your newsletter described some pretty bizarre things going on out in your cornfields. Now when did this...?"

"Down right infernal, if you ask me. My better half, Ethel come say hi, Ethel."

"Y'all want some iced tea or some fried chicken and hush puppies? I can whip them up for you right fast."

"Woman, scoot."

"Well, no thanks. But anywho, you were saying?"

"Tell you what, let's head on into the shed where we can talk without no one to bother us none. All quietly."

"Do you see that lampshade? I swear that's made of human skin. Looks like a tattoo or something, that one."

"Y'all want some chewing tobacco. Here, have some. Grow some hair on your balls, hehehehe."

"Make sure we get all of this, okay?"

"Like I was saying, them things they done come here six times already, down in the south forty, burning bonfires, chanting crazy shit about scarctic something or other. And turning my corn. Ethel got herself a strong hankering to go down and join with them. I swear she was like under some sort of trance or something like that. Acting like she was three sheets to the wind, crazy old woman. Acting like Jezebell demon voodoo barleycorn bullshit
Took all my doing make her stay put. I even had my cousin, the right reverend Ruiz, he's kinda famous, you know, trying to exorcise the demons out of Ethel. Next time I swear I'm gonna take my twelve gauge to him. You'll see. Hold on a minute! Sweet meteor shit, look at that. Them bastards are back a seventh time."

"Come on, is the camera rolling? Okay, look, make sure get this."

"I'll show... Ethel, Ethel. What they done gone off to. Get back in the house. Put some damn clothes on, woman. You're naked. No one wants to see that. God damn, god damn my cousin make me make an honest woman out of you, shoot me in the backside with a god damn shotgun. I regret the day I ever made you, woman. God damn it. I've had about enough of this horseshit. Gonna the old fashioned redneck way. Y'all stay here."

"Fuck, we gotta get this. Come on, let's follow..."

"Woo-ooh! Don't mess with Texas. I tell y'all Imma fuck this thing with three. Hey, give me back my wild animal. Ethel, come back here!"

"Dude, there must be a hundred people over by that fire. Do you see that? What are those big things? Are they even human?"

"I don't know."

"They look like gorillas or... something."

"Let's make sure we get this, alright? Clearly something strange is happening. Rufus is, is gonna rip the whole strange, whatever they are. The oh, the biggest one looks like its had enough, ooh
Rufus is down! The thing just swatted Rufus like he was a fly. They see us."