Mistletoe Meltdown

(album: Irwin's Christmas Collection - 2019)

I was ten years old, waiting on Christmas Day
I could hardly wait, it was just one week away
And there were Christmas parties every couple days
With all my relatives so old, they got one foot in the grave

I was ten years old, waiting on Christmas Day
I was happier than Santa in his sleigh
When all of a sudden, Uncle John pointed out there was mistletoe
Right above me, then my Great-Aunt Betty

She leaned in for a kiss and I was mortified
My whole ten years of life flashed right before my eyes
And I said

Get that mistletoe away from me
I don't wanna kiss nobody
Get your face away from me
No, no, no-no-no
Get that mistletoe away from me
Ain't nobody want no cooties
I don't wanna kiss nobody
No, no, no-no-no

I don't wanna kiss nobody
No, no, no-no-no

I was ten years old, waiting on Christmas Day
As a ten-year-old, my face needed some space
So no offense to loving aunts, give your poor Matthew a chance
And just don't kiss me, I'll get PTSD

She leaned in for a kiss and I was mortified (I was mortified)
I'm sorry, ancient lady, but I would rather die (I would rather die)
And I said

Get that mistletoe away from me
I don't wanna kiss nobody
Get your face away from me
No, no, no-no-no
Get that mistletoe away from me
Ain't nobody want no cooties
I don't wanna kiss nobody
No, no, no-no-no

Oh, no
I don't wanna kiss nobody, no, no, no
No, no, no-no-no

All I want for Christmas is peace on earth and no kisses
And who on earth am I kidding, lots and lots of presents
But if I can't have all this, I'll settle for no kisses
This year, ooh

Get that mistletoe away from me
I don't wanna kiss nobody
Get your face away from me
No, no, no-no-no
Get that mistletoe away from me
Ain't nobody want no cooties
I don't wanna kiss nobody
No, no, no-no-no

Oh, no
I don't wanna kiss nobody, nobody
No, no, no-no-no
Oh, no
I don't wanna kiss nobody
I don't wanna kiss nobody
No, no, no-no-no