Secret Song

(album: The April Fools Collection - 2018)

{"It's show time!"}

[MC Chris]
I'm deadly pale, bad breath, bad teeth
Hate the sand and the sun, never see me at the beach
I'll stick with goth chicks transfixed on death
That wear black britches I insist on nice breasts
I sleep in a grave, lived through the Black Plague
Actually that's my fault, but don't Wiki that 'kay?
Green hair downstairs, boogers, farts, and phlegm
That's my stock in trade, see me startin trends
Black and white striped suit or a blood-red tux
Got jack on my hand, in Japan it's a must
I can change shapes, do pranks, and disguises
Bio-exorcist, I'm the best in a crisis
Parents wanted me to clean up like my brother
Boss used to say I didn't work well with others
Now I'm independent and my methods are effective
Say my name three times if you want to get connected

[Chorus: repeat 2X]
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, one, two, three
I like a little lady named Lydia Deetz
Her demeanor is depressed, I confess, that's sweet
Don't try to deny, she's my bride-to-be

[MC Chris]
Hey K-Mart shoppers, there's a sale on my services
I'm here to help there's no need for your nervousness
I'll eat what you wanna eat, swallow what you say
Relieve you of the living that are ruining your day
Have you read the handbook for the recently deceased?
It's too thick, like my dick, when I think of little Deetz
She's the key to my release from this model existence
Coffin lining's confining and I want out this instant
Me and the Dragster of Doom, we're the baddest of dudes
We hit the Inferno Room where the ladies get nude
But we're eternally screwed, so I become a bridegroom
and get little Lydia to lip-sync an "I do"
I must move the Maitlands out of my way
Give 'em zipper lips, pitch a plate on their face
Say "Hello" to hammer-hands, say "Goodbye" to Goulet
Then off to F-L-A, where my review drew raves
Shrimp-glove faceplant, we like cassettes, not 8-track
Clown face, much like, the ones you see in "Dark Knight"
Being dead, kinda sucks, the afterlife's no fun to us
I'm the name that people trust, the juice that comes from beetle guts

[movie dialogue]
Ah well, I attended Julliard
I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school
I travel quite extensively
I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that
I've seen The Exorcist about a hundred and sixty-seven times
and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!

[Chorus]

[Outro]
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice [3X]
B-b-b-b-Beetlejuice
{"The fun has just begun"}