Signing Emo

(album: The Laptop - 2004)

Once upon a time, in the city of Los Angeles...
"Marty, Marty listen to me.
Bring me something the kids will cry for
Get out there, and get us stoked!"
Meet Marty, major label A&R scout
Forty years old, gut hanging out
Red Ferrari, Marty living in L.A.
Bumps another line to get through the day
Dumped by his girl, he paid for her liposuction
His friends call him "Money," in his introduction
And Marty knows nothing but claims to know it all
Lose the flat screen TV if he drops the ball
You're as good as your last hit, find the next big thing
If he doesn't bring the bling, his cell phone won't ring
What's the trend, what's new? What's a label scout to do?
Office life, Marty 11:32
The label pres. calls and yells, "Sign more emo!"
How about screamo? "If it sells, sign Nemo,"
"We're down 2%, and BMG knows,
My Daughter likes Dashboard, so get me one of those!"
He checks AP.net, the Scout and more
Yelling band names to his assistant through the door
The kids like this, who cares if it's great?
So he signs a band called Hearts that Hate
"Marty... we've got a hit!"

[CHORUS]
Cry tonight. My hands around your hands
I won't let you die tonight
Cry tonight. My heart's in your hands
I won't let you...

Hearts that Hate, Marty goes to their show,
Up in the club and here we go
Marty sees a girl in a Simple Plan shirt
With a Senses Fail boy, ha! that'll never work
He finds his label friends in the corner they huddle
An emo cattle auction, they penetrate the bubble
They talk about Victory and signing TBS
Dissing the same bands they just tried to impress
So the lights go down, the crowd starts to scream
Hearts that Hate have hit the scene
Blake on vocals, and lead guitar
He does a backflip, "Look how different we are!"
They show up at the studio to record it
A TRL, Billboard Modern Rock hit
They auto-tune Blake, but he can't tell
He says, "I've got perfect pitch, damn I sing well"
ProTools, Logic, cut, copy, paste,
Quantized solos and quantized bass
Signed, sealed, delivered and sent,
Across the U.S. and the single went

[REPEAT CHORUS]

Momentum builds, but it all caves in
Industrial comes back, the pres. needs a NIN
Marty finds a new band called "Fetal Coil"
And Hearts that Hate try to keep their fans loyal
They re-work their sound for album number two
As "Machines of Hate" but their career is through
They break up and work pushing mops and brooms
Blake gives guitar lessons in his living room
Blake gives guitar lessons in his living room
Blake gives guitar lessons in his living room
"Can you teach me track five Mr. Blake?"
"Hey, I wrote that song and it goes like this!"

[REPEAT CHORUS]