Losin' Sleep

(album: Special Occasion - 2019)

I wish that I was happy but I haven't been
I struggle with the realization that I just cannot quit
Like am I really a person? Or just a product of this rapping shit
I ask myself like, "When the fuck I ask for this?"
It's been a dream that I've had since I was young to be a
Part of the scene, but all this damage that it's done
Makes me question if it's worth it, I've been searching for the answers
With these demons on my back, I'm still determined that they'll catch up
But who am I to really complain?
Just got a mansion with my girl outside the city, I'm saying
Sometimes to see all the rewards, you gotta live through the pain
Then I get fed up with routine and all I think of is change
Which is ironic, 'cause I wonder why it isn't the same
It's hard for me to tell the difference every different day, yeah
Nobody warned me 'bout this part
But I know my real fans'll know my story from the start
It's Merk

I'm just being honest with myself 'cause I got here by myself
I'ma keep on doing me
I just drank this bottle to myself, now I'm talking to myself
Lately I've been losing sleep
I'm just being honest with myself 'cause I got here by myself
I'ma keep on doing me
I just drank this bottle to myself, now I'm talking to myself
Lately I've been losing sleep

Yeah
I'm taking shots like I'm Dale Ahoy of this paranoia
Got me spilling this forty over my pair of Jordan's
So stay the fuck out of my bubble, it's my territory
I'm saying sorry to myself and never staying loyal
I mask it off due to depression, I'm still standing tall
I cannon-balled into the deep end with all these rapping sharks
I ain't gon' frown like I had it hard, it ain't that at all
But I had to stop smoking so much weed so I see past the fog
Be careful what you wish for, 'cause back when we was piss poor
I didn't have to give, now when I give, they try to get more
It's so confusing, I know they use me, it's blatant now
I got so many snakes around my ankles that it weighs me down
I promised both my parents and my girl that I would make 'em proud
'Cause they're the only ones who never cared about my bank account
Never cared about my bank account
Let's go

I'm just being honest with myself 'cause I got here by myself
I'ma keep on doing me
I just drank this bottle to myself, now I'm talking to myself
Lately I've been losing sleep
I'm just being honest with myself 'cause I got here by myself
I'ma keep on doing me
I just drank this bottle to myself, now I'm talking to myself
Lately I've been losing sleep