Medicate With Tea

I don't do crack
I've never seen cocaine
Unfortunately, I rarely pop an aspirin when in pain
'Cause I wanna be
Of alcohol or any drug at all completely free
But I self medicate with tea

Doot da doot doot

I know just where to go to get my fix
The beverage aisle
At Starbucks, I confess, I get my kicks
I'm notin denial
My oolong heals, your dealer deals for quite a hefty fee
So I self medicate with tea

Do do do do

It's not that I'm not miserable as any old drunk
My life is no more bearable than any old junkie's
I'd jump out a window, suicide's a sin though
I've found another way
there's no amount I wouldn't pay
to overdose on earl gray or English breakfast

When I'm hopped up on caffeinated chai
I'm feeling the buzz
And when you asked if I'd like to get high
I already was
It's black or green or in between
Sometimes it looks like weed
But my self medicating
Improves my mental stating

I don't need to go to rehab or to set up a meth lab
I may be a cynic but the Betty Ford clinic
Isn't ever gonna break me from my habit of choice
It's my Opium, my Xanax, and it's good for my voice
I hope you comprehend my reasoning
Twinings, Liptons, even Celestial Seasonings
Keep you marijuana I've got my own remedy
I self, self medicate with tea

Boom
It's camomile, yeah