Better Myself

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

Yeah, I got a plan to make a lotta changes
But it's harder to breathe when your heart is racing
I been caught up in constant contemplation
It's just not a phase, it's too complicated
Can't concentrate when the cuts get deeper
If I were you I wouldn't love me either
My problem is I'm too fucking eager
I got a taste of revenge and there's nothing sweeter
So I'm numbing the pain with another substance
Till I lose balance and my blood is rushing
Just another fuck up piss drunk in public
They don't trust me at all like I'm up to something
Like why can't they ever hear me screaming?
A preacher told me I might need Jesus
Trapped in my head, tryna find some freedom
It feels like I'm some sort of evil genius
Please don't talk to me 'cause I don't wanna be bothered
And I can't fall asleep, I'm busy fighting these monsters
Why's it so hard to breathe, somebody call me a doctor
I think I'm going fucking bonkers, yeah

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

Think I'm addicted to bad news
Everyone I love ends up being stab wounds
Maybe they did what they had to
I'm better off alone or give me liquor and tattoos, I'm faded
I feel like nothing takes the stress away
This bible's promising me better days
I gave it my trust and I done let it stray
So fuck these promises I said I'd never break
I pray for peace yet I prepare for war
I'm twenty-four but these tears could fill a reservoir
You bitches think you know me, you don't
Throw a hundred million stones tryna break me, you won't

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay

Yo yeah, look
I thought I quit doing dope for good, been smoking cones of wood 'cause I cut the monster really wishing I was drunk
I've become accustomed to the sober life overnight, took a year and nine months to flush it
Like I don't mean shit, every time the phone ring, get told to shut the fuck up and cussed at
By the one I love but she don't want no contact, the sheriff gonna come and lock me up for just that, justice
[?] think he's always on a mission tryna get me took off pills
He don't wanna write a script and get in trouble when it's obvious there's something that I'm hooked on still
I told him, "Look, doc, look, I'm chill, drunk a half a bottle earlier and I don't even look off keel"
I just stood on till, so much Xanax in my body like I'm running on a football field
I just wanna better myself, momma said, "I know you got your light temporarily taken away
But living here is better than jail", then the minute she said it I felt like killing myself
I don't look in no mirror, I don't step on no scale, I'm so goddamn fat, goddamn Johnny
You don't got damn money, every-goddamn-body, what, you found that, funny? Your heaven's my hell

I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay
I can't get ahead of myself (myself)
I should try and better myself (myself)
But I'm drowning in the deep end
And it feels like no one sees it
Someone, please give me a reason I should stay