Hey I Don't Work Here

(альбом: Big Dumb Idiot - 2022)

Saturday morning comes and goes
Without too much on my mind
Except maybe lunch
I walk down to the shops just to move
Feel a bit rough from last night
I may have drunk a bit too much
A lady in the supermarket
Approaches way to fast
And her eyes are intense
And she spits a little bit when she asks:
"Where do you keep the pasta"
"I dunno, aisle 3?"
"Well can you get it for me?"
I just want a Gatorade
But she rolls her eyes so I kind of lose it

Hey
I don't work here
And if I did
I would not sell you shit
Hey
I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could hide all of the things you want from you
Hey
I don't work here
But if I did
Would I be wearing a dirty white singlet (ya fool)
Hey
I don't work here
But maybe I should
Silly me! I've had the pasta all along (fuck you)

O-woh-oh
O-woh-oh
O-woh-oh
I don't work here
O-woh-oh
O-woh-oh
O-woh-oh
I don't work here

Saturday arvo comes and goes
And I'm feeling pretty great
I made a middle-aged woman cry today
Walking on the hot sand at Bondi beach
I take a rest in the lifeguard tower shade
My foresight readies me for Melee
A man runs from the surf
And approaches way too fast
With a bluebottle across his chest
He shakes me as he asks:
"You gotta save my kid!"
"I can't really swim"
"What kind of lifeguard are you then?"
I'm just here to take a nap
But he rolls his eyes so I kind of snap

Hey
I don't work here
And if I did
I would not save your kid
Hey
I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could help relieve that nasty sting for you
Hey
I don't work here
But if I did
Would I make a race car out of sand then fall asleep?
Hey
I don't work here
But maybe I should
Maybe I should
Maybe I should

"Should do what, save my son?"
"No, get a job"
"What about my son, he's drowning!"
"Your son's fine, he just swims weird, and you shouldn't hold that against him"
"Oh my god, thank you, I can't begin to
He's gone"

Saturday night comes and goes
Without too much on my mind
Just kicking a ball down the street
I give it too much juice and it flies over the the fence
Of my local NASA compound
Just bear with me
Guards are all passed out
It seems there's been a planned attack
The alarm is blaring loud
But I'm the only one intact
I try to phone for help but unfortunately
There's an alien transmitting itself to NASA screens specifically
"Give us ya planet"
"Ok, I don't, let me find someone alright? Just relax"
"Give us ya planet"
"Hey! I-I said ok. We're under attack!"
"Give us ya planet"
"Ok, I don't have the authority to do that"
I just came to get my ball
But it's been a long day so I speak for us all

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are reporting live across the globe. Alarming news, as extra-terrestrial life has issued a statement of war to planet Earth (war). The alien transmission technology has left all but one individual incapacitated within the transmission receiving point, a NASA space compound located in Sydney, Australia (Australia). The time has come, and humankind can do nothing more than pray and watch on, as the diplomat for planet Earth responds, with what we can only imagine as an articulate plea for peace and mercy"

Hey
I don't work here
And if I did
I would not surrender shit
Hey
I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could take a trip to mars and strangle you
Hey
I don't work here
But if I did
Do you think the president of Earth has a fucking mullet?
Hey
I don't work here
But maybe I should
That way I could put my planetary fist in you
(Maybe I should) That way I could teach your kid to drown in front of you
(Maybe I should) That way I could hide all of the linguini from you