Rapping About Cleopatra

I wanna rap about one of the greatest
Women in the world's history
Seductive and dangerous, power-hungry and famous
I'm talking about Cleopatra
She was a lover, but wait kid, she was nothing to play with

She was born in 69 BC in the Ptolemaic
Where she was raised to be queen of Egypt
Highly educated young girl, sharp brain and wit
Smart as fuck, spoke 10 different languages
She wasn't even that pretty, but she was dangerous
She wasn't even that friendly, she was a gangster bitch
She was white, she wasn't even african
She first party girl, the original Kardashian
Sick lil cutie, with a thick lil booty
That would get real moody, driving men real loopy
When her father died, she had to marry her brother
And Egypt's throne, they would have to marry each other
Her brother was a 10-year-old boy named Ptolemy
And she was like, "Share the throne with him? Uhh, not for me."
This Ptolemy absolutely furious, so he had Cleopatra exiled to Syria
Around this time Julius Caesar was the dictator of Rome
And truly the leader of the Mediterranean world
And he was at war with him nemesis Pompeii, who was hiding in Egypt
This is important for a few different reason
Remember Cleopatra's little brother-slash-husband that I told you about earlier?
That 10-year-old boy named Ptolemy?
Well, he had an idea, like golly gee!
"I wanna be Caesar's friend!
He's on his way to Egypt right now to hunt Pompeii with his men!
But I'll have MY men find Pompeii swift
And I'll cut his head off to give to Caesar as a gift!"
And that's exactly what he did
And Caesar was furious "You stupid-ass kid! This was Pompeii the great!
This man was a consul of Rome!
You can't chop off his dome, you little rookie bitch!"
Cleopatra knew this was the perfect opportunity to get Caesar pussy-whipped
She snuck into his palace wrapped in a rug
The second he saw her he fell in passionate love

She said "Caesar baby, you can be my filthy lover
I'm feeling you, you're feeling me. Ooh, we feel each other
You wanna lay in bed with me? You wanna steal the covers?
Well, do a favor for me baby, please kill my brother."

I'm just trying to make a long story short
Caesar took Ptolemy to war
In the Nile River, Ptolemy drowned
Cleo was the new queen of Egypt, she was crowned
Unfortunately though, Caesar made her co-rule with her other little bro
"What was his name, Mac? Let us know!"
I don't want the rap to make the rap to sound like a comedy
But her other brother was also Ptolemy
It didn't really matter though, cuz she was Caesar's lady
And she was knocked up with Caesar's baby
I mean, she had to keep his hands tied
They had a son named Little Caesar, after the pizza franchise
Caesar was getting powerful as fuck
But back in Rome he fell down upon his luck
His best friend Brutus had him stabbed till he bled
And just like that Julius Caesar was DEAD
Cleopatra was so depressed
Cuz she and Caesar shared so much joy with each other
So she went back to Egypt and the first thing she did when she got there
Was poison her brother
Now she ruled Egypt all alone
And she made Little Caesar co-ruler of the throne
She was lonely and single, she needed a Mister
So she met a dude named Marc Antony on Tinder
All she wanted was a powerful Roman
A badass general to take home next
So she dated Marc Antony
Nonono, not Marc ANTHONY, you fucking idiot
Not J-Lo's ex

But she said "Marcy baby, I can be your filthy lover
I'm feeling you, you're feeling me, ooh, we feel each other
You wanna be my bae? You wanna be my Mister?
Then do a favor for me babe, please kill my sister."

Cleopatra's little sister Arsinoe was going round saying
"God, Cleo's acting like a bitch!"
So obviously, Cleopatra's only response was
To have her little sister hacked up into bits
Cleo and Marc had a couple of twins
Then they went and got married, which upset people
Cuz Marc Antony already had a wife in Rome
So getting married to Cleo was highly illegal
Marc's wife was Octavia
She was the sister of Octavian, Rome's other leader
The other son of Caesar, he HATED Cleopatra!
He took her ass to war, he said, "Fuck it, I'll defeat her."
He said, "Fuck Marc and Cleo, I'm attacking them."
He took em both to war on the Battle of Axiom
Marc and Cleo lost, their armies were dead
Cleopatra jumped on a ship and she fled
Marc tried to follow her after the tragedy
He said, "What's wrong Cleo? Are you mad at me?"
She said, "No. I just need some space
Maybe we should just be friends, you're a damn disgrace."
She got a DM from Octavian on Instagram that said
"Look, I got a little plan. Listen, fam
You kill Marc Antony for me, I'll set you free
Come on, let's work something out Cleo. Message me."
So she thought up a plot, a shady-ass way
She could try to play with Marc Antony's head
She spread a little fake news about herself
Which made Marc Antony think that she was dead
Marc said, "Noooooooo!"
Then he tried to kill himself by falling on his sword
To commit suicide
And right before he died
His friend was like, "Hey Marc, Cleopatra's alive!"
Cleopatra said, "Octavian, I could be your filthy lover."
Octavian said, "Stop talking girl, you're gonna suffer."
Cleo had lost, Octavian was culled
She killed herself by snake bite at 39 years old