Supermodel's Legs

This morning it occurred to me
I might not look quite like the natural blonde
And I can't help but feel conned
The picture on the packet showed a model with no baggage,
Promising wild sex and marriage
With a big colour chart wand

This morning it occurred to me
I never will quite have a supermodel's legs (Never in a million years!)
Unless I cut each one in half
Become half an octopus
The two become synonymous
with cocaine glamour, riches, beauty, and crack

I took a trip to the National Gallery
For something more refreshing in what Rueben saw

My supermodel's legs
Think they were plucked from a Rueben-esque world (ah, ah! ah ah!)
My supermodel's legs
Look pretty crap on a 5-foot-4 girl (ah ah ahhh!)

Women, men and in-betweens why don't you just stop dieting?
Go bake, eat cake, go cheer, drink beer!
Worrying is boring!

If people said eat loads of cake
You wouldn't want much anyway
And then you would've and stuffed your face
And looked like King Henry VIII

Present; We're told off every day
For living our lives the wrong damn way
"Suck my left one!" is what I say
If i want six coffees a day!

Women, men and in-betweens why don't you just stop dieting?
Go bake, eat cake, go cheer, drink beer!
Worrying is boring me!

Oh, I get more turned on by pink cupcakes than heroin
Not "rock and roll"; I'm much more Mary Poppins

Oh supermodel's legs
They never held up much weight in my world (ooh wa ooh wa! ooh wa ooh wa!)
Oh supermodel's legs
Cuz women should be women, girls should be allowed to be girls (ah ah! ah ah!)

(Too right!)