What's Your Story?

(albüm: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (Season 4) - 2019)

[JESSIE:]
The hell?

[REBECCA:]
Story, story, what's your story?
Story, story, what's your crime?
What got you here?
Rage, lust, or fear?
We all got a story 'cause we're doing time

Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta

Ra ta ta
Tell your story
Ra ta ta

[JESSIE:]
Um. OK, fine
My boyfriend had meth in the glove compartment of our car and I got pulled over for something else and a cop found it

[REBECCA:]
Ooh! Well, did you dump that good-for-nothing drug planting boyfriend!

[JESSIE:]
No, we're still together. I love him

[REBECCA:]
Oh. Well, did you at least tell the cops that it was his meth?

[JESSIE:]
I mean, I could have turned him in, but my boyfriend and I have a son. I can't risk our child having both parents in jail

[REBECCA:]
That's true. That's a good point

Story, story, let's hear another story
Story, story, that one was just sad
What does your story say
About the patriarch-ay?
We all have got stories 'cause we did bad

Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta

[HANIFA:]
Okay! I stole a sweater from the mall

[REBECCA:]
Ooh! Had you been stealing all your life?! Was this the culmination of a life of kleptomania? Or were you doing it to stick it to the problematic fashion industry?

[HANIFA:]
No, the heat went out in my apartment and I couldn't afford a sweater, so I stole one

[WHITE INMATE:]
Oh my God, I stole a sweater too! I got two months, how long are you in for?

[HANIFA:]
Three years

[WHITE INMATE:]
I'm so sorry

[REBECCA:]
Story, story, these are barely stories
They're just bleak anecdotes with no start or end

Go tell your story

[CYBIL:]
Sure, I have a story. I'm in here for murder

[REBECCA:]
Ooh! Murder! Juicy! Ra ta ta

[CYBIL:]
While I was driving, my daughter texted me that she was in the hospital and I got so distracted that I hit a teenager who was crossing the street and he died

[REBECCA:]
Story, story, oh my God with that story
Story, story, take away her chair

[WHITE INMATE:]
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry

[REBECCA:]
Okay, you know what, I'm just gonna share my story, because you guys aren't really versed with a sense of story structure, so I'm gonna show you how it's done

I was a no-good, manipulative love addict with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I swindled! DRUM! I cheated! DRUM! I put out a hit on my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend! DRUM DRUM! Then, one day, this guy Trent came into my life. He was ironically just like me. And he tried to kill the man I love, so I pushed him off a building! And then, when I plead guilty just for like, metaphorical symbolism, the judge knew I was innocent so she didn't accept my plea but I wanted to go to jail anyway

[JESSIE:]
Wait, what?

[CYBIL:]
You don't have to be here?

[JASMINE:]
You chose to be here?

[REBECCA:]
Yeah
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta
Ra ta ta