You Said Okay

(albüm: Old Soil (Spoken Word Pieces From 2012-2013) - 2018)

It all started with closed eyes
And a feeling in my gut telling me
I need to keep them shut the whole time
'Cause if they opened, even for a second, and I saw your lips
They'd suck me in like black holes when they bend light
And it was then I realized you were not my world
You were my universe

Sometimes when I look up, I see stars
That cut through the sky and fade quickly into nothingness
And I pray that you aren't as fleeting
'Cause when we're lying in roads, I get the same feeling
That gravity will just turn off and I'll fall endlessly
Into something much larger than I am
And I wonder if that's what it feels like to die and
If I'll ever understand god in my lifespan
'Cause I wanna see god
I want to know what god feels like

But with the weight of the Bible, I will break Adam's ribs
And repeat, my dear Eve, you do not take after this
You were not made in a man's image
But if that's the case, why do you feel so lost
In the empty space that his hand isn't?
Why do I wait, wondering how long it'll take you to admit it?
I'd rather keep my mouth shut
Then start to say what I can't finish
Baby, I have limits
I have limits

I'm singing 'la la la' in empty rooms that carry sounds like hollow caves
'La la la' just to prove you're not the only one that can occupy a borrowed space
'La la la' for every ship that was set to sail, but got washed away
I'm singing 'la la la' in desperate hopes that when it bounces back, I hear the octave change

So if we could just pretend
That your voice exists inside this empty void within
Then holy shit, holy shit, holy shit if you spoke
Insomnia might loosen its wholesome grip on my throat
And I could begin to forgive you for admitting the hoax
Instead of learning to hate you for every minute you don't
'Cause I sit here, wondering if anything you said was true
And who it was that taught you to speak bullets
Without considering the exit wound
Tell me who

'Cause I still think back to the first time you called me with nothing to say
That morning you were more than just my friend
And we'd both noticed something had changed
You drove to your parent's house
And we talked about everything
We talked about how much it sucked
But no matter what, we had to remain
Nothing

And in that deafening silence
I asked if I could still call you my snowflake
And you said okay
You said okay
You said okay