Segue (Skit)

(albüm: Dungeon Master Of Ceremonies - 2006)

Mr. Chandler, MC Chris is here to see you.
Brrr, send him in!
Hey! Mr. Chandler, what's happening man?
Heeeey kid...
How you doing? I haven't seen you in like forever man.
Yeah yeah...
What's happening? What you call me here for man?
Come over here, take a pew, sit down, lets talk some business.
Shiiit man, and you look great! I haven't seen you in like forever man, you like lost weight.
Thanks.
You, did you get lasik surgery?
Lasik surgery? No! I got 20-20 vision. Are you drunk?
Yes, I am drunk. Aaaand I'm proud of it, there was a show last night and it was off the hizzle for bliggle.
And we did some cocaine and some methamphetamines, by seven o'clock in the morning I was riding a
whole team of horses on the ocean, the skin of the water man.
What? What's the matter with you?
What?
You spending money we don't have man! You gotta remember my fortune's tied to yours! My kids are
eating out of dumpsters. Look at this! Look at this thin sliver of a desk I have. They repossessed 80%
of my desk! And you know how much I like hotdogs! There's no room for hotdogs on my desk anymore! You see that?
What's wrong with you? You gotta start making mooneeey!
I'm sorry! I'm trying the best I possibly can! I'm just one man! Have you heard the new songs man? You heard
the skits?
Yeah, but the songs stinks! And the skits are costing too much cheddar maaan!
We, we need those skits they break up the monotony of the music and people come to exp...
I don't get the whole skit thing, frankly they're not funny. They're NOT funny.
It's funny aaaand people love 'em.
It's just references. Who's getting these references?
A lot of people are! Everybody gets when you hear something you've heard before that's comedyyyy!
No, that's not comedy. The songs you're writing now are garbage. Everybody hates them.
What are you talking about? They're hilarious!
You gotta get back to your roots. What was that song everybody liked?
Hijack?
Uhah! No! The song, that everybody liked. It was popular. People quoted it.
Tussin.
Tussin?! No! What the hell is Tussin? It was the song about the guy from Star Wars in his car...
Fett's Vette, Fett's Vette.
No, it was the bounty hunter from Star Wars in his...
Yeah, it's Fett's Vette Mr. Chandler!
No, it was that guy, he was a bounty hunter, he was in Star Wars...
Mr. Chandler! It's Fett's Vette! Listen to me! Look at me! Look at me in the eye! It's Fett's Vette!
What was it?
Fett's Vette!
Yeah, Fett's Vette, that's it. You gotta write more songs like Fett's Vette. Come on, there were like twelve
bounty hunters on that super star destroyer.
Ahhh! Come on Mr. Chandler it's played out! You can't ask me to do this!
It's not played out, what am I telling you here? You gotta write more songs about bounty hunters from Star Wars, in vehicles.
Like. I can't believe I'm coming up with this for ya. Uh uh, Zuckuss' Prius or uuuhh, IG-88's '57 Chevy.
Awwhh Mr. Chandler!
Dengar's Dump Truck!
No!
They are great ideas, listen. If you put Bossk on a Segway, you gonna sell records!
Now let me cleverly use that to segue to my next point to you, which is that you gotta get out on the red carpet!
I get out on the red carpet all the time! Me... I ate my girls last night! Yum!
No! I'm not talking about giving cunnilingus while a woman is menstruating.
I'm talking about getting out there, shaking people's hands.
I'm talking about getting the name out there! Get into some car accidents with Lindsey Lohan!
I can't into a car accident they won't let me drive a car cause I have a pegleg.
Keep fighting me, see where it gets ya. Get out there! Get to the YouTube awards! Get to the internet Emmies!
They have those?
I don't know if they have those! Get on the internet, find out! And if they exist, go to them! You gotta get out and impress the flesh!
Ah!

Mr Chandler, those two assassins you hired to kill MC Chris one the red carpet so as to cement his icon status and increase record sales are on line two.

Oooh... Busted... Uhhh... I gotta take this call.
Uuuh OK Mr. Chandler, I guess I'll just head on out!
Hey kid!
Yeah, Mr. Chandler?
Get the fuck out of my office!
Uuhh ok Mr. Chandler.