claustrophobic

(альбом: eden - 2022)

Why can't I be perfect?
Why do I always take the blame?
Why am I in his bedroom?
I don't even know his full name
It's not usually like me to
Put myself out on the line
Cause they always want to "try me"
They never wish that they were mine

I really wanna wear that white dress
And walk down the aisle
But they said stay here for awhile

They fuck me like they hate me
Like I'm not someones daughter
And when they're done they hold me
Like I'm a loving partner
And in the dark I try to
Convince myself I want it
Then I get that reminder
I'm kinda claustrophobic

I'm kinda claustrophobic

I fear I'm not a person
I miss my body before the pain
No matter how hard you try to hurt me
I'll still be sweet like sugar cane
And I don't know why I'm sorry
Probably the neglect and deprivation
My momma always told me
I put myself in those situations

I really want to wake up next to someone
Who makes me smile
But I'm not worthwhile

They just fuck me like they hate me
Cause I'm just someones daughter
Wish they would never leave me
But I am not their partner
And in the dark I try to
Convince myself I want it
Then I get that reminder
I'm kinda claustrophobic

What if this isn't what I think it is?
I wish I would wake up
It's so hard to feel loved in my skin
Thought I was good but I never was

Don't fuck me like you hate me
I am a human being
No ones ever held me
And when they did I couldn't feel it
And in the dark I try to
Tell myself that I'm still dreaming

Please tell me you don't hate me
I'm trusting this completely
I just wanna get closer
I don't need you to save me
I try to see the future
But I don't think it sees me
Don't wanna think about it
I think that I'm still healing