The Fastest Tortoise On The Planet

[Intro:]
Hello, it's Dan Bull
Guinness World Records have challenged me to make a song using content from their books
Guinness World Records 2016, Guinness World Record 2016 Gamer's Edition
I said I could make songs about anything
So uh
Challenge accepted
Here we go

[Verse 1:]
If you're a tortoise
It doesn't matter
You can still be the fastest tortoise on the planet
Practice makes perfect
So put the work in
To succeed isn't free
You've got to earn it
Take every calorie and burn it
Take every curveball that hits you, return it
Take every lesson and learn it
Until the fact you're the best is the verdict
Whether you do it alone or play in a team
The world's one big arcade machine
There's seven billion of us playing
Each unique
Get engaged in the game
And then chase your dream
Take control
Roll with the punches
Break the mold
Take a stroll on your crutches
Refine your craft and your talent
'Til nobody else on the planet can touch it

[Hook:]
I want to be the biggest
The strongest
The oldest
The youngest
The fastest
The longest
I wanna be the largest
The tallest
The brightest
The darkest
The hardest
The smallest
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best I can be
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best that I can be

[Verse 2:]
My goodness [x8]
Look
If there's anything the tortoise taught us
It's to never tread water
Never cut corners
To take no quarter
When you break those borders
Whether you
Deform your face
Eat all the grapes
Or crush a biscuit betwixt your shoulder blades
Grow your fingernails out
Run in clogs
Spit flames
Raise funny dogs
What are you the best at?
Better than the rest at?
What are you self taught?
Or genetically blessed at?
Whoever you are there's a record you can set
Fact
When I said you've got potential
I meant that
And approach each unique plan
Two thumbs up
On each hand
Write it down with the world's biggest ball point pen
And then
Do it all again
To the end

[Hook:]
I want to be the biggest
The strongest
The oldest
The youngest
The fastest
The longest
I wanna be the largest
The tallest
The brightest
The darkest
The hardest
The smallest
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best I can be
I wanna be me
I wanna be the best that I can be

[Outro:]
That was alright, wasn't it?