Dualistic Nihilist

(альбом: Dualistic Nihilist - 2017)

I've seen the end of it all.
I was on my kitchen floor,
With a knife held to my throat.
Battles raging inside,
The darkest waves crushing me slow.
The soul replaced by the season's change taking control.
Forcing me down a road that I've never known.
So completely alone,
The shadow grows and tears the insides out.

I have a history of burning myself out.
Nightmares set to the beat of the years counting down.
I lost myself in my own skin,
With no feet on the ground I dove right into,
A world that did not exist.

Nobody saw this coming at first,
As the year crept by I rose from the earth,
No understanding of what I felt,
A fever rising but I couldn't tell
What was happening to me.
"You don't seem yourself, I don't think that you're ok."
Just follow me
Down a twisting, turning maze of thoughts,
Exploding from a mind that just won't stop.
It's all good that everything's changed.
It seems insane, they'll understand someday.
I know I'm right.

I'm pulling the anchor down,
And it's getting darker now,
I'm pulling the anchor down,
Too low and now we all suffer.
I'm pulling the anchor down,
And you're fighting harder now,
But I'm pulling the anchor down,
Sink with me, tonight I'm skipping town.

By 10 o'clock I'm gone,
Into the night, southbound, I don't belong
Here anymore, this all just feels so wrong,
But at 90 miles an hour I felt strong,
Heading towards the worst that I'd become.

Dualistic annihilation, destroyer of foundation.
A blackened force headed towards a devastation.
Polarize the halves, a total separation.
Slip through the cracks into false revelations.
Dualistic annihilation, destroyer of foundation.
A blackened force headed towards a devastation.
Polarize the halves, a total separation.
Slip through the cracks into...

Electric currents control the path,
Los Angeles highways confuse the map.
It was laid out with perfection,
But the plan's rotten with infection.
I was sure of where I was going

Electric currents control the path,
Los Angeles highways confuse the map.
It was laid out with perfection,
But the plan's rotten with infection.
I was sure of where I was going
Until the lights started dimming.

Alone in my car, the logic starts skipping.
Exits the same in every direction.
I don't know where this high is heading,
But I know I'm scared to end it.

A series of events and new reality exists,
Life turned inward, unpredictable shifts.
Alone in the condition of flawed perspective.
A disaster too complex, a virus to dissect.
Too late to resurrect the spirit that left,
The power of the heart navigates until the end.

A series of events and new reality exists,
Life turned inward, unpredictable shifts.
Alone in the condition of flawed perspective.
The power of the heart navigates until the end.

Sunset self-destruction with my trust on guard,
Roam the streets alone in the eye of the storm,
Enter the home where personalities split,
Confusion persists and identities twist,
The wires were crossed in impossible knots,
And all was lost.

Deny it all. Trust your heart when it's raw.
Follow the moon. Listen to your father's call.
He existed in the sky, for that moment in time,
Watching me pace the halls in a fury of fire.

Returning home to no relief,
Transformed unrecognizably.
The weapons are drawn for the ones in the trees.
For a midnight walk with someone following.

Awaken alone, dread soaking the sheets.
Actions cause reactions, I don't want to be me.
To think of what I've lost is to look to the cause.
The center of destruction, I'm locked in its jaws.
Look to the side where no one resides,
A hollow reflection of the passing of time.
You did this to yourself, so blame no one else.
Heart beating you down, no one could help.
No one could help.

Ingest the sedation.
Avoid isolation.
Get outside and adjust
Your vision.
Confront the weight of your decisions.
Run from the fear of a nightmare made real,
From a dream that ends in swift, cold steel.

You and I have climbed a million miles,
Watched everything die and I've been waiting all my life
For something to survive.

Now, every day: "Did you eat?" "Did you sleep?"
Allowing you to hate me shows my love unconditionally
Refusing to hate you
Now, every day: "Did you eat?" "Did you sleep?"
Allowing you to hate me shows my love unconditionally
Refusing to hate you

Who are you and what have you done with my friend?
I'm afraid, I'm afraid I've almost accepted
Nothing will ever be the same again
I feel violated, but is that misguided?

If I could tell you one year ago today,
That someday I would need you just as much as you needed me
To let me know I'm not alone
To not give up on me or let me give up on everyone

Save for save —
I'm gonna make
Sure you're ok
Save for save.

This rescue goes both ways,
When the sky looks like the end of days.

And when this is long behind us,
What are we going to tell ourselves?
Recalling those days from Hell,
Climbing mountains by myself,
Pouring frantic tears and sweat,
Turning strangers into friends
When I'm calling them for help,
To protect you from yourself.

Everyone else trying to live.
Well, good for them we are different.
You and I are just trying to stay alive.
But hours creep by one day at a time…

The panic of collapse, the dread of existence.
Floods through the rivers of the nervous system.
The pain saturates the depths of the mind,
The outcome of war, a failure of design.
Drowning in darkness in a single room, confined.
If there's nothing beyond this, there's an excess of time.

Take a breath, but don't sit back and reflect.
Soldier down the road, try not to look back.
Surrender to the horror of the past.
Don't dwell on when you chose the wrong path.
But this is now, the present takes over.
The wrath of regret weighs heavy on shoulders.

Crawl through each moment to the end of every night,
Stay in constant motion to keep the head right.
But everything's wrong, I'm not who I once was.
Something's been stolen, I can't see the light.

A fire in the eyes no longer burns bright,
I'm preying for the animal that controls the light.
Support systems can't heal the condition,
The expanding void of death's incision

As days pass by, I fall further inside
Engage the impending end of this life,
Spiral inwards, feel the burn of my internal eyes.
On a path now derailed with no end in sight.