Shriner's Convention
(专辑: 20 Comedy Hits - 1995)
Yeah, they come down Main Street, drums a
flailing Sirens a-wailing, what a
roar Bands are a-playing and flags are a-waving And the
vanguard's a
motorcycle corps Clowns are a-clowning through the
crowd and pinching Every pretty girl who dares to smile It's a
glorious mess, everybody wears a
fez The
parade stretches out for miles [Chorus:] It's a
typical American phenomenon Where all the
members have a
fine old time It's the
forty-third annual convention Of the
Grand Mystic Royal Order Of the
Nobles of the
Ali Baba Temple of the
Shrine Meanwhile back at the
motel... [Spoken:] Operator, give me room three-twenty-one, please. Hello? Noble Lumpkin? This here's the
'Lustr'ous Potentate. I
said it's the
'Lustr'ous Potentate. The
Illustr'ous... Coy? Dad-blame it, this here's Bubba. Coy, why ain't you at the
parade? What? Well, how'd you get that big Harley up there in your room? What? I
cain't hear ya, Coy, quit revving it up, boy. Turn it off. I
just want you to know one thing. You have embarr'ssed us all, the
whole Hahira delegation. Now, I'll see you at the
banquet, son, and you be there, Coy, you hear me? Black tie, seb'n o'clock. Be there, Coy. And Coy, don't answer the
phone Uddn'uddn. Well, it was all arranged by the
ladies' auxiliary In the
downtown convention hall Cold roast beef, string beans, mashed potatoes And nine boring speeches in all And all the
tables looked fine with their Mogan David wine And chrysanthemums on each side And the
Hahira leaders in their rented tuxedos Made the
local heart swell with pride [Chorus] Meanwhile back at the
motel... [Spoken:] Operator? Three-twenty-one, please. Thank you. Hello, Coy, what are you doin'? Whaddaya mean, who is this. This is Bubba. Why wasn't you at the
banquet? Whaddaya mean, all you had to wear was a
Hawaiian flowerdy shirt? Well, you may think you're fooling some people, but I
know what's going on. Everybody's seen the
little red-head. That's right, ever'body. Why, she come running through the
dinner, right in the
middle of the
pineapple sherbert. Didn't have nothing on but yer fez, Coy. Coy, you the
only one's got a
fez with a
propeller on top. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and she's yelling out the
secret code, too, Coy. We going have to change it now. Dad blame it, Coy, we going have to have a
special meeting when we get to Hahira about yer conduct at this here convention. Embarrassing. Now Coy, you be at the
secret conclave tonight, you hear me? And keep it a
secret. Hoo! Well, it was a
secret meeting in the
dead of the
night With mysterious sanctimony In accordance with prescribed rituals A
time-honored ceremony Matters of grave concern were weighed with dedicated caution Like whether or not to raise at stud Or draw at spit-in-the-ocean [Chorus] Meanwhile back at the
motel... [Spoken:] Operator, room three-twenty-... H-how'd you know? Oh. Hello, Coy? Where h-have you been? No-o-o, you wasn't at the
meeting. Well, I
found out that at three o'clock this morning you's out there in your fruit-of-the looms in the
motel swimming pool, bunch o' them waitresses from the
cocktail hour. Huh, I
just hope Charlene don't find out about this, Coy. What? Well, how'd you get that big motorsickle up there on the
high dive, Coy? Now Coy, dad burnit, that ain't no way to act. We s'posed to be pillars of the
community. 'N we get back to Hahira, you can just turn in your ring, and your tie-tack. 'Cause Coy, you are out of the
Shrine. You going be blackballed, Coy. That's right, you may have t' pack yer bags and leave town. What do you mean, you might join the
Hell's Angels? Coy, hoo, don't you hang up on me. No, don't you crank that motorsickle. Who's that giggling in the
background, Coy? Hello? Hello? Operator, we's cut off. Yeah, room three-twenty-one. Coy???