The Devil That's Inside

My momma said a mans not supposed to cry
But she don't know the pain I hide
I pray to god like every night
But no he don't reply

My father said he's proud cus I'm doing well
But all this money just don't help
It's only me myself and I
And the devil that's inside

I walk around the surface
Broken looking for purpose
How am I worth more than a million
And still feel so worthless
They watch my life, observe it
Think that it's picture perfect
But they don't know the fucking struggles that I had to work with
Grew up in a broken home
My mattress always on the floor
Eating ramen every night
Evictions always on the door
My momma told me pack my bags
I'm sorry son we gotta go
Just because you plant the seed
It doesn't mean that it will grow
So please don't ever think my life was better than yours
I hate when people say I don't know what it's like to be poor
Cus yeah I made a lot of money but I still need more
Cus I can tell that happiness is something I can't afford
And that is life

My momma said a mans not supposed to cry
But she don't know the pain I hide
I pray to god like every night
But no he don't reply

My father said he's proud cus I'm doing well
But all this money just don't help
It's only me myself and I
And the devil that's inside

So many things I ain't understand until I got older
Like why the hell does my father always sleep on the sofa
And why does momma keep crying and sobbing on my shoulder
Those are the memories as a child I can't get over
It's been 5 years since I've said a word to my older brother
And yeah we share the same blood but that doesn't mean I love ya
I'll never forgive ya for all the shit you put me under
Our father's a fool, with you he should've just used a rubber
A trauma no one knows
The scars I never show
The voices in my fucking head, they won't leave me alone
I guess it's true when they say people can change
Cus ever since my sister Fresia died, I ain't been the same
But that's my life

My momma said a mans not supposed to cry
But she don't know the pain I hide
I pray to god like every night
But no he don't reply

My father said he's proud cus I'm doing well
But all this money just don't help
It's only me myself and I
And the devil that's inside