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Australian Idol
(专辑: Comikaze - 2005)
I
was having a
bad week – I
crashed the
car and the
cat carked it Weighed myself outside Woolies and I'd put on 4
kilos Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee I
poured my heart out – told her all about Poor dead fluffy, and the
bloody car, and did she think I
should go on a
diet? She studied my face, trying to frame the
words to say Just the
right blend of empathy and advice She took a
big breath And looked into my eyes and she said You should go on Australian Idol Even if you don't win, you'll have a
great time Don't worry that you don't look like a
supermodel They're even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine I
said 'Thanks, I
feel a
lot better now' Then I
erased her number from my phone I
didn't know how much we'd grown apart The
very next day was my birthday No one called, except my grandma And she was drunk, she just needed a
lift home from the
pub Then that Sunday night, I
went to dinner with my rellies They said 'Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the
TV on? It's nearly the
final of Australian Idol and Kate You should go on Australian Idol You're much prettier than her – she looks like a
pudding 'You'll win it no worries love' said my uncle And I
just turned and looked at him like he was something that I
stood in And don't get me wrong – if I
turn on the
TV and it's on I
can't stop watching. Even with the
ads Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs I
love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered I
love the
ones that really suck in the
first auditions I
love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters And I
laugh while I
eat my dinner They're crying in their 5-star hotel, and I'm cackling on my cack-brown couch And it's not that I
am jealous, I'm not jealous, I'm not jealous The
next Sunday, I
had a
pretty bad hangover Feeling pretty grumpy Sitting on the
couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself I
flipped to Channel 10 and before I
knew it I
was watching a
really short guy Singing that really annoying song by Craig David Suddenly I
rose to my feet – it must have been divine intervention I
saw the
light in front of me, and I
screamed Why am I
watching Australian Idol? (God!) Am I
really reduced to this pitiful state? Jesus I
may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar Or better still just change to SBS You better believe it – I
changed to SBS So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is Shove it up your ass Shove it up Shove it up Shove it up Shove it up doo doo boo doo do doo Shove it up Shove it up Shove it up Shove it up doo doo boo doo do doo
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