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Patterns
Man I
feel as if every day I've lived I've lived to help me understand The
viewpoints of the
people who I
loved and lost Who wandered off The
ones I
acted badly to who acted bad to me And all the
ones who held my interests close I've learned that it all had to be exactly as it was For those immersed in the
dull fog of years long since grave bound we blaze skunk in the
playground you laid down beside me held my hand and asked if you could stay round This was way back before abortions, addictions or breakdowns With wild eyes, we laughed colour into the
concrete of this grey town And now I
make the
page drown in all this drunken poetry I
know it's you you know it's me and this was all supposed to be I
know it's you and you know it's me and this was all supposed to be but me the
kids I
see scoffing their feet at the
bus stops They are the
same as us Sure of their immortality they live to play the
dangerous games they trust that they can never part they trust that they can never age They trust this world was made for them and that no body knows the
rage they would unleash at those who dare to trespass against the
ones they love the
most They do not know that soon enough all love is dreams and ghosts And that the
only ones who can hurt us are the
ones who care and love us well so now I
watch them from afar cause I'm a
grownup now with much to tell Thinking look I
don't want to remember or forget I
don't want to harbour days it's just so hard to place the
past in context when the
past it rules my darkest days But I'm illuminated by the
sparks that fly when I
realise we live the
same stories until we have played every part until we know our reasons and have found peace with all of them splintered things I
think of you to summer from which my endless winter springs and I
tell you I
know my reasons and I've found peace with all our splintered things but still I
think of you, the
endless summer from which my endless winter springs So to the
past then, come to the
past let's journey back by making sense of now by making sense of then and I'm sure we can be friends again I'm just so far from who I
was when last we spoke but man I'm still the
same girl I'm still a
wreckhead with a
method to her madness who watched the
flames curl around us as we burned a
burn of fire hearted kids and I
make peace with all we did and I
forgive and I
will give my time to all of you at some stage cause those were fun days before the
young aged bunking school just to do nothing right time wrong place and yet some gave their minds to the
madness and others got caught in a
routine all I
know is we were blessed to have ever made aquatinece we kicked our cans along the
pavement we were the
valiant amongst the
vacant this is for those who gave my voice it's cadence and pushed me to seek my strength in statements Patterns everything is balanced by these patterns I
have seen them in a
way that I
relate to my companions look in everything that happens they are patterns I
mean it everything's in stages, cycles, phases and they all have these patterns at their bases I'm talking patterns fits of passion waking up wishing you hadn't took my 23 years just to fathom out that pattern the
same situation endlessly repeating all the
changes are the
roles you play and once you start learning all the
roles you played you will understand the
roles you gave to others They are patterns in the
way we fall for lovers and who we recognise the
others who have loved us badly well well either way I've seen the
patterns in the
past it was enough to blow my mind away See there's this man I've known for years and still till this day do I
know him and I
love him very much but it's very hard for me to show him cause back then and even now I
feel there's something that I
owe him and that feeling should be going over time but no it's growing We were kid mates, making mistakes playing give take big hearts battling the
big snakes rattlign their tails look he was like the
wind in my sails and I
was like the
water for his keel it was real He used to hurt my flesh that his water scars of heat and steel He used to hurt his flesh just to see if he could feel To cut a
long short he weren't ever really the
strong sort Got into the
wrong sport big swigs long snorts And quarting that spiral he saw attempts to help us spitful Pretty soon he got so down that he got on the
brown and word got around and people did not like the
sound So they told me to stop popping round to see him and I
kept disagreeing but soon he was a
different being See he got into stealing, robbing I'd still see him frequent often Eyes all sobbing freaking out he wouldn't speak about the
things that made him weak cause doubt would stop his throat mid sentence And yes his face would paint repentance but his actions spoke dependence That's when our friendship became difficult to say the
least he played the
beast oh well I
wondered how we'd ever make our peace that's when we drifted we never argued it just became clear that the
parts that I
loved so well had slowly disappeared I
said 'you look the
same but I
don't recognise you I'm looking you dead in the
fast and I
can't find you I
don't like the
way you always talk in a
past tense but you can't explain the
present until you work out what the
past meant See I'm looking right at you but you ain't present no more and yes you laughed the
same laugh but it's echo is flawed now when we talk I
feel like I'm walking on the
edge of a
sword and I've tried to forget about the
past I
just remember it more And yes I'm here for you whatever the
score but it don't really feel like you're my friend anymore the
more we talk about it though the
wider the
space them days are gone when we were 13 dividing our apes making promises would always relate I
tell you straight I'm well versed in a
chapters of lies I
know this honesty it's not how much or what you're using that even bothers me it's the
fact that you feel you have to lie about it that really worries me Cause you might well be my oldest friend we were at our closest when the
days we yearn like our hearts heads and handprints standing on the
grand cliff of reckoning that we could never grow either old or apart but that was then and we might never be a
team again But I
remember backies on your bike we were teens and then I
remember had another day we linked up and had nothing to say Fuck it bruf I
miss you I
just wish it weren't an issue but you look the
same mate and I
don't recognise you I'm looking you dead in your face and I
can't find you I
don't like the
way you're always talking in a
past tense I
got so much shit to say but when I
see you I
just can't vent I
don't like the
way we always talk in a
past tense but you can't explain the
present until you work out where the
past went The
past went to the
patterns I
mean it everything is balanced by these patterns I
have seen them in a
way that I
relate to my companions look in everything that happens they are patterns everything's in stages, cycles, phases and they all have these patterns at their bases I'm talking patterns fits of passion waking up wishing you hadn't took my 24 years just to fathom out that pattern the
same situations endlessly occurring all the
changes are the
roles you play and once you start learning all the
roles you played you will understand the
roles you gave to others they are patterns in the
way we fall for lovers and who we recognise the
others who have loved us badly well well either way I've seen the
patterns in the
past it was enough to blow my mind away And then I
looked at you, with the
same look that was looked at me before and then I
saw that I
had become the
same one who back then turned my heart so raw and I
was turning yours You were innocent and unaware of my displeasure you moved towards me like you thought for being closer together physically you could bring my heart back round to being brimfull with your features you didn't know my heart was brimfull with someone else's so from beloved to loved one the
other is always so vibrant the
violence of holding it in the
silence of skin against skin elicitly kissing and slipping through hithered encounters while you bake them pies you clutch me too tight and you wept in the
morning and I'm so sorry but the
patterns will be until they are no more an adorning of truth the
floor spins my sickness is swelling there ain't no telling my cerebellum mate it does what it wants at the
cost of my health but I
meant what I
said there could be no one else too little too late oh the
patterns emerged and spelt destiny This was the
legacy left to me Mismatched staggered affections you see you either love em too much or you don't love em enough and you were the
same Are they embers or flame? Our calls going cold and the
great are maintain that the
point of it all is to check for it next time so know your own nature see your own weakness no more of this bleakness this indiscrit sweetness my heart still belongs to the
one who completes it there are oceans between us as the
patterns to Mars the
patterns advance and they shattered our carment of frenzy so now I
miss you but it's pointless cause your gone and if you miss me it's pointless cause you're gone you'll be wondering I
keep you inside I
don't mean to but do tonight for sleep my dreams will be of you I
keep you inside I
don't mean to but do tonight for sleep my dreams will be of you I
keep you inside I
don't mean to but do and tonight I
won't sleep at all no tonight I
will shuffle my feet mate and I'll stare at these walls while the
ugliness creeeps from my core cause I'm stained and I
can't keep my mouth from making the
shape of your name I'm shaking and strange and I'm thinking of you and I'm sat at a
pub now and I'm drinking for two and I
blink in the
new light of night and I'm sinking the
truth and a
few pints and I
want to see you Naked stretched out smoking before speaking the
way that you do But these are the
patterns that when I
must be patient these are the
commons bounds between us and the
ancients we went from cheated onto cheater from beaten onto beater but then we broke the
cycle and didn't want to be neither I've been the
flirter and the
flirted at I
hurt them all they hurt me back I've been the
speaker of the
curses and the
viessel that the
words attack and I
say who isn't in love with you It seems we're all under your spell Young and older we as hungry as hell for you to hold us and love us as well as we know you can I
really like holding your hand So I
find myself here as mad for you as once they was for me it's sad but true that there is always a
lover and a
beloved there is always another to noruish and courage and so with a
flourish the
cycle's completed retracing the
loop until it's defeated and I
will leave it up to the
winds of time because I
know you and I
are of the
same kind I
will leave it up to the
winds of time because I
know you and I
are both the
same kind I
will leave it up to the
winds of time but I
just can't drink you off my mind it's weird Since the
first moment I
touched you, I
touched you so purely that all of me touched you you're kinda someone I
look down at and up to but I
met you to love you so let me just love you The
patterns will teach me to trust you The
patterns will teach me to trust me The
patterns will kill of the
hands that clutch me These hands of dishonesty there's clouds in the
prophecy Obscure in the
memories of days not lived yet Quick let's skip town walk along the
sea front on a
grey day 100 miles an hour on the
motorway Broken window loads to say it all got blown away So let's get wet in the
rain Let's begin the
regret forget the
pain Cause now we're kissing the
world into focus and when you look out of them shining eyes I
can't I
don't notice you're fragile just like me We ain't as strong as we think we are that's not to say it's an act What I'm saying is I
write poems for you all day long that you will never read but what I
lack in discreaton I
make up in passion Me I
live at the
mercy of patterns See Oscar Wylde once wrote and when I
read this I
believed this 'The only way to get rid of a
temptation is to yield to it' That's why I
yield to the
patterns cause I
know that everything is balanced in these patterns I
have seen them in a
ways that I
relate to my companions finding everything that happens they are patterns everything's in phases, cycles stages and they all have these patterns at their bases I
mean it patterns fits of passion waking up wishing you hadn't took my 25 years just to fathom out that pattern and the
same situation endlessly occurring all the
changes are the
roles you play and once you start learning all the
roles you played you will understand all the
roles you gave to others They are patterns in the
way we fall for lovers and who we recognise the
others who have loved you badly well well either way I've seen the
patterns in the
past it was enough to blow my mind away I
saw the
patterns in the
stars and they sang to me of brighter days I
hold your pattern in my arms and I
swear I'm gonna make you mine someday
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