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Rapping About Cleopatra
I
wanna rap about one of the
greatest Women in the
world's history Seductive and dangerous, power-hungry and famous I'm talking about Cleopatra She was a
lover, but wait kid, she was nothing to play with She was born in 69 BC in the
Ptolemaic Where she was raised to be queen of Egypt Highly educated young girl, sharp brain and wit Smart as fuck, spoke 10 different languages She wasn't even that pretty, but she was dangerous She wasn't even that friendly, she was a
gangster bitch She was white, she wasn't even african She first party girl, the
original Kardashian Sick lil cutie, with a
thick lil booty That would get real moody, driving men real loopy When her father died, she had to marry her brother And Egypt's throne, they would have to marry each other Her brother was a
10-year-old boy named Ptolemy And she was like, "Share the
throne with him? Uhh, not for me." This Ptolemy absolutely furious, so he had Cleopatra exiled to Syria Around this time Julius Caesar was the
dictator of Rome And truly the
leader of the
Mediterranean world And he was at war with him nemesis Pompeii, who was hiding in Egypt This is important for a
few different reason Remember Cleopatra's little brother-slash-husband that I
told you about earlier? That 10-year-old boy named Ptolemy? Well, he had an idea, like golly gee! "I wanna be Caesar's friend! He's on his way to Egypt right now to hunt Pompeii with his men! But I'll have MY men find Pompeii swift And I'll cut his head off to give to Caesar as a
gift!" And that's exactly what he did And Caesar was furious "You stupid-ass kid! This was Pompeii the
great! This man was a
consul of Rome! You can't chop off his dome, you little rookie bitch!" Cleopatra knew this was the
perfect opportunity to get Caesar pussy-whipped She snuck into his palace wrapped in a
rug The
second he saw her he fell in passionate love She said "Caesar baby, you can be my filthy lover I'm feeling you, you're feeling me. Ooh, we feel each other You wanna lay in bed with me? You wanna steal the
covers? Well, do a
favor for me baby, please kill my brother." I'm just trying to make a
long story short Caesar took Ptolemy to war In the
Nile River, Ptolemy drowned Cleo was the
new queen of Egypt, she was crowned Unfortunately though, Caesar made her co-rule with her other little bro "What was his name, Mac? Let us know!" I
don't want the
rap to make the
rap to sound like a
comedy But her other brother was also Ptolemy It didn't really matter though, cuz she was Caesar's lady And she was knocked up with Caesar's baby I
mean, she had to keep his hands tied They had a
son named Little Caesar, after the
pizza franchise Caesar was getting powerful as fuck But back in Rome he fell down upon his luck His best friend Brutus had him stabbed till he bled And just like that Julius Caesar was DEAD Cleopatra was so depressed Cuz she and Caesar shared so much joy with each other So she went back to Egypt and the
first thing she did when she got there Was poison her brother Now she ruled Egypt all alone And she made Little Caesar co-ruler of the
throne She was lonely and single, she needed a
Mister So she met a
dude named Marc Antony on Tinder All she wanted was a
powerful Roman A
badass general to take home next So she dated Marc Antony Nonono, not Marc ANTHONY, you fucking idiot Not J-Lo's ex But she said "Marcy baby, I
can be your filthy lover I'm feeling you, you're feeling me, ooh, we feel each other You wanna be my bae? You wanna be my Mister? Then do a
favor for me babe, please kill my sister." Cleopatra's little sister Arsinoe was going round saying "God, Cleo's acting like a
bitch!" So obviously, Cleopatra's only response was To have her little sister hacked up into bits Cleo and Marc had a
couple of twins Then they went and got married, which upset people Cuz Marc Antony already had a
wife in Rome So getting married to Cleo was highly illegal Marc's wife was Octavia She was the
sister of Octavian, Rome's other leader The
other son of Caesar, he HATED Cleopatra! He took her ass to war, he said, "Fuck it, I'll defeat her." He said, "Fuck Marc and Cleo, I'm attacking them." He took em both to war on the
Battle of Axiom Marc and Cleo lost, their armies were dead Cleopatra jumped on a
ship and she fled Marc tried to follow her after the
tragedy He said, "What's wrong Cleo? Are you mad at me?" She said, "No. I
just need some space Maybe we should just be friends, you're a
damn disgrace." She got a
DM from Octavian on Instagram that said "Look, I
got a
little plan. Listen, fam You kill Marc Antony for me, I'll set you free Come on, let's work something out Cleo. Message me." So she thought up a
plot, a
shady-ass way She could try to play with Marc Antony's head She spread a
little fake news about herself Which made Marc Antony think that she was dead Marc said, "Noooooooo!" Then he tried to kill himself by falling on his sword To commit suicide And right before he died His friend was like, "Hey Marc, Cleopatra's alive!" Cleopatra said, "Octavian, I
could be your filthy lover." Octavian said, "Stop talking girl, you're gonna suffer." Cleo had lost, Octavian was culled She killed herself by snake bite at 39 years old
完毕